When your body becomes part of the story
You may have expected the crying, the questions and the urge to replay conversations. You may not have expected to feel physically unwell as well.
Then comes another difficult question: “Is this connected to what I am going through, or am I imagining it?”
You deserve a more useful response than dismissal. A symptom can be real even when its cause is not yet clear. You can tell a clinician about relationship distress without deciding in advance that stress explains everything.
What research actually tells us
A 2024 study used data from 2,579 US adults at two time points. A history of partner infidelity was associated with poorer chronic health, including in analyses accounting for baseline health. It was an observational study: it does not establish that infidelity directly caused a particular disease. [1]
In a separate survey of 246 people, suspicion of a partner’s infidelity was associated with greater reported distress and physical-health symptoms. That finding concerns people’s reported experiences; symptoms cannot establish whether a partner was unfaithful. [2]
The evidence gives us reason to take physical wellbeing seriously after betrayal. It does not give us a single explanation for every body or symptom.
Different symptoms need different questions
Digestive discomfort, skin changes and urinary or genital symptoms should not all be grouped under one “betrayal symptom” label. There is broader research and clinical guidance on stress and some digestive and skin conditions. Infections require their own assessment. [3–7]
It is possible to experience several difficulties during the same stressful period without them all having the same cause. You do not need to resolve that uncertainty yourself before asking for help.
Tell the whole story at your appointment
Consider bringing a brief timeline:
- What changed, and when did it begin?
- Is it new, recurring or getting worse?
- What medicines, treatments or other changes happened around the same time?
- How is it affecting sleep, eating, work or ordinary activities?
- What relationship stress would you like the clinician to know about?
You could say: “These symptoms started during a very stressful period. I would like to discuss whether stress could be contributing, while checking for other causes.”
That wording makes room for both parts of your experience.
Care should not become another test you have to pass
You do not have to prove how much betrayal hurt you through how ill you became. You also do not need a dramatic physical response for your emotional experience to matter.
Keep attending appropriate medical appointments. Alongside that, consider what would make following the care plan more manageable: someone accompanying you, help with practical responsibilities, or space away from repeated relationship discussions.
Where coaching fits
Coaching can offer space to explore boundaries, organise questions and think through your next steps. It does not diagnose physical symptoms, treat infections or replace medical or mental health care.
If you would like a gentle starting point, try How Is Betrayal Affecting You?. It is a reflection tool, not a health assessment. You can also request a free 20-minute Discovery Call to discuss Jo’s approach.
Your experience deserves attention without needing an explanation that goes further than the evidence.
Sources and further reading
Educational information from a Betrayal Recovery Coach & Educator. This article has not been medically reviewed and does not diagnose or treat a condition.
- [1] Hoy EQW, Oh VYS. (2024). The consequences of spousal infidelity for long-term chronic health: A two-wave longitudinal analysis. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 41(12), 3720–3740. Observational analysis, 2,579 adults; association is not proof of individual causation. Read the source.
- [2] Weigel DJ, Shrout MR. (2021). Suspicious minds: The psychological, physical and behavioral consequences of suspecting a partner’s infidelity. Survey of 246 individuals; reported suspicion and health symptoms, not confirmation of an affair or a specific infection. Read the source.
- [3] NIDDK. Symptoms & Causes of Irritable Bowel Syndrome. General digestive-health guidance, not betrayal-specific research. Read the source.
- [4] American College of Gastroenterology. Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). General guidance on gut–brain interaction, symptoms and evaluation. Read the source.
- [5] NIDDK. Symptoms & Causes of Bladder Infection in Adults. Causes, urinary symptoms and kidney-infection warning signs. Read the source.
- [6] CDC. Vulvovaginal Candidiasis: STI Treatment Guidelines. Symptoms are nonspecific, recurrent/persistent symptoms require assessment, and uncomplicated VVC is not usually sexually acquired. Read the source.
- [7] American Academy of Dermatology. 6 skin and hair conditions linked to stress. Reviewed by dermatologists; general stress–skin guidance, not evidence specifically about betrayal. Read the source.
